Since election day only comes around every four years, I decided to have a little bit of fun and look at the election through a college football tinted lense today in the form of a question that exercises some imagination.
So put your feelings to the side on Trump and Hillary and the rest of the candidates for a bit and consider this:
If all 128 FBS head coaches were eligible and interested, which one would make for the best presidential candidate?
Zach and I collaborated to come up with this list of 8 of the more entertaining choices, and some of the pros and cons they’d bring with them to the Oval Office.
Let’s take a look, and keep in mind, this is all in good fun.
+ PRO + One thing is indisputable – things would get done at a rate no president has has, or will ever be able to match. Problem is we’d want to re-elect him to third and fourth terms, and then figure out a way to clone him forever (I’m sure some Alabama fans are already looking into that). You can also count on him hiring the best possible candidates for the positions closest to him, and they’ll be so successful that other countries will continuously try to poach them away.
– CON – Saban coming unglued on a member of Congress, a Supreme Court judge, member of the media, or intern would not go over well. (On the other hand…it would send a “Don’t you dare mess with us” message to foreign leaders)
+ PRO + Presidential support would be through the roof because Dabo has a way of winning people over. We’d also get plenty of opportunities to hear him expand more about how America has a sin problem, not a race problem.
– CON – Dabo would demand to install a replica of the hill at Tiger Stadium, which would lead to multiple torn ACL’s and other injuries to the aging members of the cabinet and Congress. Also, Dabo would be under constant attack from groups who believe his religious views are being forced on others. Speaking of Congress and the cabinet, Dabo would ensure there’s plenty of dedicated nap rooms installed around DC while he’s in office.
+ PRO + Harbaugh would approach the Presidency “with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind” and would also find all kinds of loopholes to get things done, and fast. He’d also be highly entertaining in office.
– CON – Anyone who considers themselves a true Buckeye fan would absolutely refuse to follow any of his direction or suggestions. Shortly after his intro speech, Harbaugh would make it against the law to have a Buckeye tree on your property, and would likely also outlaw those delicious Buckeye treats of peanut butter and chocolate.
+ PRO + At the negotiating table (especially away from the White House), Meyer simply wouldn’t lose. His family would likely have him sign a contract about being the model of work-life-family balance and that would be a great thing to see the American work force try to imitate
– CON – The hatred from Wolverine fans is real, so just like Buckeye fans wouldn’t listen to Harbaugh, Wolverine fans would give no respect to Meyer. The Buckeye’s love singing “We Don’t Give a Damn About the Whole State of Michigan” and that might be adopted at a national level somehow with Meyer in office.
+ PRO + Would make being a nerd cool from coast to coast and would probably allow America to adopt Stanford’s Intellectual Brutality slogan.
– CON – Even the White House may not be enough to get Shaw to leave Stanford.
+ PRO + I don’t even need to get into how entertaining this would be. Instead of C-Span and CNN, Leach’s pressers would be reserved for Comedy Central and The History Channel. America would love to hear his logic on picking a VP candidate if it’s anything like how he picks captains.
– CON – On trips to meet world leaders overseas, Leach might end up staying a month longer than expected talking about pirates, Geronimo, and American History.
+ PRO + Dantonio would probably lead America to heights that most previously never thought possible, just like he’s done in East Lansing. You can also count on him going against conventional wisdom to make some gutsy calls when America finds themselves in pivotal situations too.
– CON – If you’re looking for a guy to crack jokes at the podium at important dinners packed with influential people, he’s not your guy.
+ PRO + National productivity would hit an all time high, and the energy inside the White House would be visible from outer space with Fleck in office.
– CON – Fleck would literally try and row the Potomac River, and oars would surely have to be added to the flag somehow.