Mike Shula tells his QBs they pooped on his desk when they make a mistake

College football coaches will leave no stone unturned and no data point untracked when it comes to tracking their players, identifying the best ones, and then getting the most they can out of them. Like Santa Claus, they (theoretically) watch them when they're sleeping by tracking players' sleep. They track their food intake. They track their physical output at practice as a tool to know when to push them and when to pull back. Every pass, kick, drop, route and tackle is tracked and catalogued. And who can forget Tom Herman's infamous hydration chart at Texas?

South Carolina offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach Mike Shula has come up with a new one. Which player is going to win the honor of backing up Heisman Trophy candidate LaNorris Sellers? It'll be the player who takes the fewest poops on Shula's desk.

I'm speaking metaphorically.... barely. In a media availability on Tuesday, Sellers told reporters that Shula will hold his players accountable by making them grab a (thankfully) fake but (horrifically) life-like poop and place it on Shula's desk.

The reporters in the room were as shocked to hear that as you are to read it, so here's how the conversation played out.

Reporter: "So, does he have, like, a poop emoji thing that you, like, put on your desk?"

Sellers: "No, it looks like real poop. I wish I could go get it. When it sits in your hand it looks like real poop. Even sitting in your hand, it looks like poop."

Reporter: "So if you're watching film and there's a bad play, he'll grab it and put it on your desk?"

Sellers: "He keeps it in his office. He's like, 'Go get the dump off my office desk.' We hand it to him and he's like (dropping motion), 'That's what you just did.'"

Reporter: "So, you physically leave the room, go get it off his desk..."

Sellers: "Yes."

Reporter: "How many times have you grabbed the poop?"

Sellers: "I haven't a lot, but (freshman Cutter Woods), (redshirt freshman Air Noland), those guys have a lot because they don't really, like, know our system. Obviously if people don't know it there's going to be some mistakes, but it happens quite a bit. (Redshirt freshman Jimmy Francis), like, a lot." 

Sellers was the FWAA's National Freshman of the Year in 2024, so for everyone's sake let's hope there's not a lot of excrement exchange going on in South Carolina's QBs room when the season starts.