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ESPN has set the schedule for the best opening weekend in college football history

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If ever there was a weekend to surgically attach yourself to your couch, the first weekend in September would be it.

On Tuesday ESPN announced its selections for opening weekend, which includes the most action-packed opening Saturday in college football history and a meeting of two of the three winningest FBS programs on Sunday night and a possible College Football Playoff elimination game on Monday night.

Thursday, September 1
South Carolina at Vanderbilt -- 8 p.m. ET, ESPN

Saturday, September 3
Georgia Tech vs. Boston College (from Dublin, Ireland) -- 7:30 a.m. ET, ESPN2
Oklahoma vs. Houston (from Houston) -- noon ET, ABC
Hawaii at Michigan -- noon ET, ESPN
LSU vs. Wisconsin (from Green Bay, Wisc.) -- 3:30 p.m. ET, ABC
Georgia vs. North Carolina (from Atlanta) -- 5:30 p.m. ET, ESPN
USC vs. Alabama (from Arlington, Texas) -- 8 p.m. ET, ABC
Clemson at Auburn -- 9 p.m. ET, ESPN

Sunday, September 4
Notre Dame at Texas -- 7:30 p.m. ET, ABC

Monday, September 5
Ole Miss vs. Florida State (from Orlando, Fla.) -- 8 p.m. ET, ESPN

Keep in mind this is just the top tier of ESPN's schedule. Check out the list of games that haven't been selected for TV yet:

- Colorado State vs. Colorado (from Denver, Friday)
- Kansas State at Stanford (Friday)
- Arizona vs. BYU (from Glendale, Ariz.)
- Bowling Green at Ohio State
- Rutgers at Washington
- Missouri at West Virginia
- UCLA at Texas A&M (a likely CBS pick?)

You've been warned. Start working your remote control muscles now.