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Final score: 98-0. Yes, you read that correctly

The opening line of the recap on the Saint John's athletics website is perhaps the largest understatement ever written about a sporting event:

COLLEGEVILLE, Minn. – Everything seemed to go right for the 10th-ranked Saint John's football team as it rolled to a 98-0 non-conference win over St. Scholastica in the 2017 season opener on Saturday, Sept. 2, in Clemens Stadium.

Yes, everything did seem to go right for Saint John's as the Johnnies won NINETY-EIGHT TO ZERO.

It was the largest ever win by a Division III program over another Division III program. Let's roll through some stats, shall we?

- Saint John's scored 14 touchdowns, by 13 different players.

- Saint John's scored those 14 touchdowns in 50 minutes.

- First downs: Saint John's 28, St. Scholastica 3.

- Rushing yards: Saint John's 337, St. Scholastica -7.

- Total offense: Saint John's 560, St. Scholastica 52.

- Punts: St. Scholastica 11, Saint John's 2.

- Fourteen Saint John's players ran the ball at least once, and eight of them averaged at least six yards per carry.

- Saint John's quarterback Jackson Erdmann hit 7-of-7 passes for 129 yards and three touchdowns.

- Despite all that dominance, St. Scholastica did force two three-and-outs. I didn't see the game, but I'm guessing those drives were a little less than "fourth-and-goal with the national title on the line" intensity.

That's.... that's enough.