If uniforms could talk, you’d be asking Michigan State’s new alternates to shut up before you call the cops.

Michigan State unveiled some new electric green alternates on Saturday ahead of their spring game and, instead of replacing the Spartans’ traditional dark green, the brighter, louder green will compliment it.

But it’s not the new shade of green that makes — or breaks — the uniform, it’s how it used — loud, proud, all over the place.

Honestly, if Michigan State had released these bad boys on April 1, we all would’ve assumed they were an April Fool’s Day prank.

I could pass judgment on the new uniforms in this space, but Nike didn’t design them with you or I in mind, so what’s the point?

There’s no word as of press time on when or how often Sparty will deploy these new kits.

National columnist - Zach joined the staff in 2012...and has been attempting to improve Doug and Scott's writing ability ever since (to little avail). Outside of football season, you can find him watching the San Antonio Spurs reading Game of Thrones fan theories.