Steve Spurrier is South Carolina’s most critical message board poster, except he’s the head coach.
South Carolina beat Vanderbilt 48-34 on Saturday after falling behind 14-0 in the first quarter and allowing the Commodores to return two kickoffs for touchdowns. This, of course, is the same Vanderbilt team that lost 37-7 to Temple. Spurrier was peak Spurrier after the game, so incredulous that it spurred the assembled media into laughter.
Here are some selected quotes from the 6-minute, 20-second piece of performance art:
“That was a game I didn’t like a bit, although I’m proud of the offensive kids for scoring a bunch of points…. here and there.”
“The way we play is embarrassing. I told the guys it’s embarrassing, and I’m the head coach of this embarrassing group of guys.”
“We’re not a very good team but we’re 3-1 somehow, and we’ve got all the voters fooled thinking we’re pretty good, I guess because we beat Georgia.”
“I don’t know what all can help this team. I really don’t.”
“We have to almost score a touchdown every time or we’re going to get our butts beat somehow or another.”
“I’ll try to get smarter in the future, and hopefully we can get better.”
“We’ve all seen good football teams. We a’int one.”
“It’s one of the worst wins I’ve ever had. No question.”
After watching this, I would like to pay for the privilege of having Spurrier break down my high school tape.